Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Ten Signs Your Date Is a Spy

It is hard enough to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with, but it just became harder to do just that, because now you have to worry about that person being a Russian spy.


Here are some sure sings your date is a Russian spy:


1. They are always asking about American foreign policy. Sure, the date might like your opinion on foreign policies, but odd are he or she is a spy.


2. They always pay cash for everything. Most Americans use a debt or credit card to pay for everything. In fact, if you see someone using cash, odds are you should report them as being a spy. You should always use caution when around these cash carrying people.


3. They never complain about taxes. A true American complains about taxes and how much they lose off their checks.


4. They are always looking around the room. It could be that they just don’t like you, so use your own judgment on this one.


5. They wear a shirt that says ‘I Heart Marxist.” The person might also go to a liberal university, so they could be slightly confused about why democracies are far superior over Marxist regimes. Don’t try to argue with them over this point, because that could lead them to leave you with the bill.


6. They stop listening to you when you tell them that you don’t work for the government and don’t have government clearance. The date could be a huge X-Files fan and might hope you could answer some questions they had about strange lights they see in the night sky. It is important to ask them why they want to know, because they might also be shy.


7. They drive a Toyota. True Americans don’t drive Toyotas because they would have bought into all the fears that come with driving a Toyota.


8. They speak with a Russian accent, even though they claim they were born in Minnesota. Don’t look at them as if they were liars, because this will only make them mad.


9. They laugh at your jokes—enough said.


10. They don’t know the state capital of North Dakota is Bismarck. Most Americans know the answer, but if they don’t you could always ask them what the state capital of Rhode Island.


It isn’t always easy to see the signs that your date is a spy, because sometimes their good looks get in the way of such decisions. An attractive date could go a long way to improving your status among your friends, but remember that your status among your friends should is only temporary, because odds are that they know the true you.


Again, please use caution around people that you feel could be a spy, because the person might also be a trained assassin, and that could mean game over for you.


Don’t be surprised if people don’t if people laugh at you, and tell you: “The Cold War is over.”

No comments:

Post a Comment